Be Successful Now

Only if you truly want success

It took nearly dying to make me redefine my definition of success.  I believed that hard work equaled success.  I believed that hard work would get me fat stacks of cash, and that money would set me free.  Boy was I wrong.  In chasing the dollar, and getting it, I almost worked myself to death, literally.

Massive chest pains, heart palpitations, and bloody stools landed me in a hospital bed.  I lost forty pounds of healthy tissue in three months, thanks to stress and coping poorly.  I was lying in a hospital bed with innumerable hoses and wires hanging off me when my wife came to visit with my three small children.  My son stood at the end of the bed, afraid to approach.  His face quivered, and he started crying.  Tears welled in my eyes, and my heart sank into my stomach.  All those hours working and all that money suddenly meant nothing.  In that darkest hour, all I wanted was to create wonderful memories with my wife and kids.

How did I end up in that position?  I had a hole in my heart that I was trying to fill with achievements.  Maybe it was the neglect from my alcoholic and mentally ill mother that put it there.  Maybe I never felt like I was enough.  Early in life, I tried to be loved by being cool.  I got the six pack abs and the fast car.  I partied like a rock-tar.  Still, I felt no love because I didn’t love myself.  When my first daughter was born my dad said to me, “boy, it is about time you make yourself into something she can be proud of.”  Yes sir.  Message received.  I got to work.

Fast forward a few years after that moment with my dad, before the hospital visit, and I was running my own business.  It would go on to make 40k a week.  Still something was missing.  Success always loomed ahead of me somewhere in the future.  I had (and still have, I am proud to say, despite my massive shortcomings) a loving wife and four amazing children.  I had money.  I had a beautiful piece of property nestled in the woods.  I still wasn’t happy, or content, or satisfied, or any of these feelings of well-being.  I have come to the conclusion that whatever lies in the future, stays in the future.  

Every time I accomplished my goals, new and bigger goals would arise.  Never was I content with right now.  This lead to a constant state of desperation and neediness, so I worked to fill that void.  When I think of neediness, I think of my high school years when I ‘needed’ a girlfriend.  I would approach girls with the need to be loved and be made whole.  It was fucking creepy.  Don’t believe me?  Just try calling a prospective client or date and leave them a message that says in a husky voice, “I NEEED you.”  Desperation and neediness is repulsive.  Similar to a magnet with like-poles, neediness will drive what you want away from you.

Be successful today and it will attract more success.  “Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance.  Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.” - Matthew 13:12.  This verse hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally understood it.  It is what we have in our hearts that creates abundance.  Desperation is a black hole that can never be filled with what lies outside of us.  When we already have all that we need, we open the doors to get what we want.  The future will always be in the future.  Be successful now.  All we ever have is right now.  

My wife and kids had a day off from school the other day.  Instead of working, we watched movies and played games, laughing together all day.  Today I put relationships and family time as priority, work and money are no longer the main focus.  I have not given up on pursuing money.  I started life poor so I know the lack of money will cause misery.  I no longer do work that drains the life from me for money.  My success lies in being grateful for what I have now, and creating as many opportunities for great memories as possible.  I want to do as much cool shit with cool people as I can, and make enough resources to allow that without limit.  I define my success by how many of my kids' events I attend, how much quality time I spend laughing with people I love, and how many people I help escape the rat race that I found myself trapped in.