Fear Is Nothing To Be Afraid Of

How one man won the girl of his dreams

Jumping off a cliff

 My heart hammered in my head.  I felt a rapidly rising need to retch, guts churning with anticipation.  My palms were sweaty.  My skin was flush with heat.   The tension in my body escalated higher and higher.  I was preparing to jump and was terrified.  I vividly recall standing on a wooden platform, looking down at a river that seemed to be miles below me.  I screwed up enough courage and leapt.  I soared through the air, the wind whipping past me until–ker-sploosh!--my body darted into the water.  

I screamed with delight under the water all the way until I broke the surface.  Exhilaration propelled me back up the ladder to jump again and again for years to come.  Jumping despite fear has served myself and my clients with great impact ever since.  Fear is a guidepost to creating a life worth remembering.

   One of my favorite teachers, Steve Chandler says, “worry is a misuse of the imagination.”  Our brain has one overarching function – to keep us alive.  It constantly surveys the world around us, alerting us to every potential threat to our survival.  Despite watching multiple people jump from that platform, my over-helpful brain still interpreted the height as life threatening.  

As a success and wellness coach, digging into what people desire inevitably exposes their fears around those desires. Without fail, these fears are what is holding them back from creating a life they are proud of.  No matter if we are increasing income, escaping the rat race, improving relationships, or healing burnout - stepping into fear has the most impact for myself and my clients.     

One of my clients, we will call him Fine Youngman for anonymity, has an epic success story about conquering escalating and multiplying fears.    

Originally Youngman would deal with every difficult situation by avoiding it.  He would say yes to everything his friends and family asked him to do.  He didn’t want to risk hurting their feelings by telling them no.  This led to near weekly cancellations using excuses like “I’m sick”, or “Sorry, something came up last minute.”    

We started by building his courage and discipline by tackling small obstacles like scheduling, karaoke, and swimming.  Over time we built his confidence level enough that he leaned into his fear and asked out the girl of his dreams.  She said yes, and they hit it off better than he could have imagined.  They fell in love.  Months later they started to talk about marriage.  

 Youngman desires to be a man of honor, so he decided to ask the father for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  For context, my client is a black man, his fiancée is a white woman, and we live deep in the southern United States where racism is still alive and prevalent.  In the conversation that came, Youngman was told, “crows fly with crows, and doves fly with doves.”  

Youngman was denied due to the color of his skin.  He left.  He agonized.  He had all the physical symptoms of a panic attack including - a racing heart, queasy stomach, and numbness in his hands and feet.  Youngman thought about giving up the relationship and moving on.  He thought about running away with his love.  He thought about fighting in destructive ways.  He did not want his potential bride to have to choose between her family and him.  After praying on the matter, and facing a moment exponentially scarier than standing on a wooden platform, he arranged another meeting.  

Youngman drove to the father’s house despite his crushing chest pain and shaking limbs.  He faced the father and let him know, and I mean let him know with absolute certainty, conviction, and love, that he was the man who would serve her.  No one could possibly love her as much as the two men in that room.  The sheer force of my client’s love for this woman was enough to sway the father to blessing Youngman as his son-in-law.  

The bodily sensations we label as fear are nothing to be afraid of.  We must step into that discomfort to set ourselves free, to achieve peace, to deepen relationships.  We acknowledge fear’s presence and welcome it, for it is a beacon to guide our path.  We should be more afraid of living a life wrapped in the illusion of safety.  

Jump into fear and set yourself free.  What leap are you afraid of?