Happiness Gumbo

A Recipe For Stirrin’ Up More Joy In Life

Happiness is like a gumbo recipe –  it has multiple ingredients, and the balance matters.  One person’s perfect gumbo might taste atrocious to another. (c’mon New Orleans, tomatoes? Really?) The same goes for happiness; what brings joy to one might not work for someone else.  Here’s my guide to creating a happiness recipe that suits your tastes, though finding happiness seems as legendarily mythical as finding the perfect gumbo. 

Sorry, I’m not getting into the gumbo war, that’s sacred territory for those of us living down here in Louisiana, and I’m not starting a fight with my kinfolk like that again.

Prepping the Pot: Clearing Out Misery

Step number one in creating happiness is the removal of misery. Before we start cooking, we need a clean pot.  I used to think money would make me happy.   When I earned more money than I knew what to do with and still wasn’t happy, it made me think that money doesn’t buy happiness, so I must not need it.  When I ran out thanks to a hurricane and a bad real estate deal, the stress, strain, and worry that I couldn’t take care of my family made me miserable.  

Money won’t make me happy, but the lack of it will cause misery.   We must have food, shelter, health, and a basic sense of safety before we can even start to think of happiness, for if these basic needs aren’t met, worry is the dominant emotion.  We have to have a clean pot and fresh, clean ingredients if we want to make that killer gumbo, sha!

The Starter Roux: Gratitude

First up in our happiness gumbo is gratitude, with kissing cousin contentment.  These two go together like chicken and rice.  Gratitude is the act of being grateful for what we already have.  

While participating in Ken Mossman’s IAM (Integrated Adult Man) program, we performed an exercise where I listed what I needed for a whole life: beautiful property (check), loving wife (check), well-adjusted thoughtful children (check), healthy body (check), meaningful work (check), money, well… that needs some help. What did I need to feel complete?  To stop and appreciate what was right in front of me. Sometimes I lose sight, thanks to my ever-soaring ambition.  

Can we add too much gratitude to the happiness gumbo?  I don’t think so.  Some may argue that having too much gratitude may dampen ambition, but I find myself more ambitious to create a life that I can enjoy with all the people I’m grateful for.  Being content and grateful for what we have is a choice, so I’ve chosen to stop and take a big whiff o’ that gumbo every once in a while just to admire what’s cookin’!

Adding Spice: Satisfaction Through Achievement

The next ingredient is satisfaction.  Satisfaction happens when you have a challenge and you overcome it.  The bigger the challenge you overcome, the greater the satisfaction.  We don’t always set the challenge up for ourselves, but our best memories can come from overcoming hardship.  The trick is to enjoy overcoming those hardships while we are going through them rather than wait until they are over.  

We can set challenges for ourselves in the form of goals, and obtain great joy from reaching those goals, especially if they seem a little outside of what we think we are capable of.  Those goals must align with our values and purpose for reaching them to have any meaning, though.  

For years, I set obstacles for myself to overcome – my weekly revenue goals for my business just kept climbing higher and higher, just to find out that I didn’t truly believe in the work I was doing.  In other words, setting a goal to complete a marathon is great, unless you hate running.  (Personally, I think running is for people who hate themselves.)

I learned the hard way that using only satisfaction to find happiness can make us feel a little off balance.  I was missing a few other ingredients, which turned my happiness gumbo a bit salty.

The Heart of the Dish: Deep Relationships

This leads us to what is possibly the most important ingredient, deep meaningful relationships.  My greatest memories, nearly freezing in the swamp and my wife having a gut busting laugh about it at my expense, side aching howls of laughter while acting utterly ridiculous with my best friends, holding my grandmother for comfort after she lost her son, my uncle.  All my greatest memories included people who mean the world to me.  There is no greater gift to the gumbo that is life than the connection and love we have for other humans.  Personally, I believe the two most powerful words we can hear are, “me too,”  and gumbo always tastes better when you eat it at a table full o’ great company.  The bigger the table the better, sha!

The Final Seasoning: A Dash of Pleasure

The last ingredient in my happiness gumbo is pleasure.  There is nothing like enjoying the sweeter pleasures in life, like a great movie or a decadent cheesecake.  Not too much, for the recipe can easily become oversweet, and when it does, it deadens the palette in such a way that more sweetness becomes cloying and intolerable.  

Too much pleasure – ice cream, a good book, great sex, truckfuls of fat juicy steaks – and the returns are not only diminishing, the dish becomes inedible.  We slowly adapt to pleasure, where we used to do a little then a little wouldn’t do it so a little got more and more.  I just kept trying to get a little better, a little better than before.  Tolerance builds, dosage increases, and the next thing you know snorting cocaine off a hooker brings no more pleasure than eating plain dry chicken breast.  So, bring on the pleasure, but a dab'll do ya.

Cooking up the Recipe

Y'all know, just like every family's gumbo recipe is a little different, your happiness recipe might need some adjusting to taste. Maybe you like yours a touch sweeter with more pleasure, or perhaps you prefer it spicier with extra challenges to overcome. That's the beauty of it – there's no one right way to make your happiness gumbo.

But remember this, sha: no matter how you season it, two things remain true. First, stop and savor what you've already got simmering in your pot. And second, happiness gumbo is always best shared – it just doesn't taste right when you're eating it all by yourself.

So if your pot's been feeling a little empty lately, or if the flavor's not quite right, let's talk. I'm always happy to share my recipe and compare notes! And if you're looking for actual gumbo advice? Well, my wife's the expert there – she makes a mean pot that'll have you smiling from the inside out.

Thanks for reading!

For more about me and my work, check out LeeASmart.com.

Pass a good time now, sha!